Monk's Zombie Campaign Speech.
As a follow-up to all of the election madness we have been observing, I asked Monk to create a zombie government, and then write a zombie campaign speech. I thought the zombie government paper was pretty funny, but this campaign speech is a freaking riot! I am so proud of him. First, it's totally obvious that we are unabashed news junkies...but also, he's just so damn creative and really seems to understand what's going on in the world.
Keep in mind that his zombie government is called a "shamble" "food" is humans...I think you can figure the rest out by context...
Zombie Campaign
Zombie that is me named Howard. Howard campaign to get base of followers to take out shamble leader Greg is this. Food not happy with this shamble. Most we do is walk around neighborhood eating stray doggy. All it do is make crying children. Last house raid was 2002. Greg not fit.
Greg support shop-raiding that causes financial crises. If that happen, food will have foreclosures, and live on street. Next generations brains not with good knowing! Zombie shamble that is us must not raid shops. Give food's wallets to lower classes so their kids can get knowing, and eat up families with bad mortgages.
Some zombie that are not me do not want help carmaker that make cars for food to escape in. Howard, Zombie that is me, want carmaker to get help so food can go to job to get its food to fatten up. If local burger joint start fail, shamble that is us will buy some hamburgers and help cut staff back. If unemployment high, shamble that is us should open up positions, and if food too fatty, shamble that is us should chase round block two, three times every week till just little plump.
If bank going to fail, shamble that is us should give bank food's wallet. Opponent Greg have arguments like "Zombie that is Howard is a friend of Mac Tionhero. Zombie that is Howard has plan to inform young food of their reproductive abilities, and what mortgage anyway?"
Zombie that is Howard has just been endorsed by Chai Nsawguy, our chief fighter battle winner. Zombie that is Howard have only one leg left, so me think shamble that is ours could be ablist. Zombie that is Howard's mate for death, Grant Stander, is more better than zombie that is Greg's mate for death Po Opoohead. That is all of it.
