Sensitivity

I learn so much about myself through my children. It's actually kind of amazing. I guess just being able to spend so much time with people who share your nature and your nurture really reflects back those things that you don't see in yourself. Or something.

At any rate, C is an exceptionally sensitive child. At least as compared to his brother. At seven years old, he is torn between mindfulness and appropriate protection of his sensitivity and his need to be a cool, big, maybe even macho kid. I other words, he exposes himself or allows himself to be exposed to media that his sensitivities can't fully deal with. But what he does is tough it out in the moment...and then relive those moments when he is by himself and get really frightened of the fearful spectres he wouldn't allow himself to avoid in the first place. Only out-of-context now...and that is confusing.

I'm totally able to understand that right now, because I'm experiencing the same thing. I put off dealing with things in the moment they are happening...acting as if I am tough and can take it...only to have those things (and the feelings those things evoke) creep up on me out-of-context in a manner that creates more confusion and self-doubt than would have ever been generated had I allowed my honest emotional response in the first damn place.

hahaha.

So, I guess it's nice to know that I have the emotional constitution of a 7 year old! Uh. I guess I need to work on that.

Oh, and I am not sure if this has anything remotely to do with the former, but yesterday I kept finding myself thinking: "It sucks to have elegant ideals about people, and yet to consistently be forced to deal with people in inelegant, unideal contexts."