speechless

Actually, not really. the thing is lately I am overflowing with ideas to the point of utter overwhelmitude. When I sit down to try to write about one thing, I can't narrow it down.

But, suffice to say, I am full of ideas. I have been using my voice recorder a lot. We will see if I ever have a chance to expound on the ideas I record there. I have been thinking a lot lately about fictionalizing my life...about creating a safe space in which to write about certain things I am experiencing by couching them in fiction so no one knows what the facts are. It's appealing to me, and I am kind of ashamed to admit that I keep forgetting that I have the artistic license to lie. I don't owe anyone the full truth about myself except those I am intimately acquainted with...and, to be honest, I am learning to be selective about what I tell THEM, as well.

Things are good, though. I had a nice interaction with a friend yesterday that helped me to pull my ass out of my head. I had to cancel plans with another friend because I just wasn't up for it...but then I had to eat, so I invited another friend out for PANCAKES (yum!) at Magnolia (not the trunk one). By the time the night was over, I was just so energized and happy it seemed ridiculous that I had ever felt exhausted or sad. So, yeah. I know I always say this, but I am really blessed with some pretty special people in my life. People who inspire me. People who conspire with me. People who I admire. Sometimes I forget how busy my life is, and how difficult it can be to have real relationships with people amidst that busy-ness. I am glad that I have friendships that accommodate that, and also those friendships that can be put on hold for weeks or months - or even through hundreds or thousands of miles and years and years...and can start right up again without even skipping a beat. People with whom I have been through a lot of shit, as well as people who have just quietly been There. People I have endured, and people who have endured me. hahaha. You get the picture.

Anyway, I feel pretty lucky right now. Or maybe I feel blessed. I always do...it's just sometimes I feel like I don't deserve it. And, also...I can recognize the importance of spending a few weeks in a state of somber reflection. I have come to some conclusions and gained some insight, and I am ready to move forward and take advantage of that wisdom.